my emotions are my god (hiraya_manawari) wrote in etaxiomicronx,
my emotions are my god

Your Heart My Stage

Title: Your Heart Is My Stage
Pairing: xiumin/baekhyun
Rating: PG-13
Genre: non-au, sort of
Word count: 4, 100~
Warning: Baekhyun’s character is too OOC I'm afraid, mainly just me channeling my Minseok fangirling through him, unbetaed
Summary: Baekhyun would actively admit what he's doing is flirting. There's no harm in that, he's not ashamed of that. And he would even claim that Minseok is flirting back.

The problem with Minseok, he’s so incredibly sensible and quiet which is synonymous to lame and boring in Baekhyun’s dictionary.

But another problem with Minseok is that, Baekhyun has seen him with other people, his smile can range from adorable to embarrassed to unsure to infuriating to charming to disarming. So it’s probably wrong to judge his character based from what he is when he’s around Baekhyun. Which isn’t very often. And which Baekhyun notices. And that is the real problem here actually. How Baekhyun always notices.

It started a couple of weeks ago. Chanyeol was the one who pointed it out, which is stupid since Chanyeol is never perceptive, but Baekhyun can’t deny that the giant of a human has a basis when he said that, Baekhyun goes out of his way to be always up in Minseok’s face.

Yeah it’s true but it’s nothing, there’s nothing to it, just that Baekhyun is not used to being bypassed, to not having his jokes laughed at, to not commanding all the attention in a room, he’s not used to quiet people and not used to them being quiet while in his presence.

He’s not used to Kim Minseok.

In return, maybe, Minseok is not used to him. And Baekhyun wants to do something about that. He wanted to for a long time and he didn’t realize until Chanyeol very “helpfully” pointed out and questioned, “why are you always seeking hyung’s attention?”

He wants to break in Minseok, that’s the main thing. He wants to get a rise out of him, out of that calm composed person. He doesn’t know yet what that’ll achieve but at the time being, it’s strangely satisfying when Minseok’s eyeroll becomes just a tad bit more fierce when directed at him. It’s like he’s bringing out and getting a part of Minseok for himself, or something like that.

“What?” Minseok asks, with a tiny pinch of confusion and irritation in his voice.

“What?” Baekhyun echoes.

“You’ve been following my movements for the past five minutes. What are you plotting?”

“Nothing,” Baekhyun says, tone defensive, a tone he always use on Minseok. It occurs to him belatedly that he failed to deny Minseok’s first accusation.

Minseok narrows his eyes, gaze darting around the kitchen - on the dry cornflakes (dry because they ran out of milk) in front of Baekhyun on the table, on the steaming coffee between his own fingers, on the fridge, on the sink, on Sehun who sleepily enters and clumsily rummaged the cupboard, and then on Baekhyun’s face, boring holes into it. Baekhyun oddly remembers he hasn’t washed his face yet, and that maybe his hair is a right bed-mess and his face is still swollen from the early morning. He holds Minseok’s gaze though, proves to him he isn’t guilty of anything. Which doesn’t quite work out because yes, Baekhyun has something to be guilty about, he’s just not exactly sure what to call it.

In suspicion, Minseok squints at him some more, complete with a small snarl of warning and he doesn’t look frightening, no, he looks more like a kitten. What’s frightening though, is the---the swooping feeling at the pit of Baekhyun’s stomach

So yeah, honestly, Minseok is scary.

Minseok seems satisfied with Baekhyun’s reaction - whatever reaction it is that shows in his face –and exits the kitchen without another word, leaving Baekhyun in the kitchen together with Sehun lamenting over the lack of milk in the fridge.

It’s not that their new song has a considerably more difficult choreography than their past materials, but their schedules are stretched thin and so are they. Baekhyun’s muscles protest at every move and his head refuses to hold onto the dance sequence, all his muscle memory manages is the current eight-step run and nothing more. He inwardly groans every time he ends up lost and copying whoever’s beside him, or when he ends up in someone else’s position, mostly Kyungsoo’s which leads to them bumping painfully into each other.

It’s not just him, but most of them. The choreographer doesn’t shout at them anymore, just closes his eyes in disappointment and orders them to go over from the start whenever somebody messes up.

It ends with them in a line, heads bowed and getting a reprimand as a group. Sehun’s close to tears and Zitao’s positively crying. Only Jongin and Minseok manage to not fuck up but even them are not in their best element.

“And you Sehun,” their choreographer continues, now going over them one by one, “you’re in the dance line for god’s sake! I expect you to be one of those who lead! Not one of those who-“

“They’re tired,” Minseok interrupts, then adds “hyung” out of respect. It doesn’t escape Baekhyun how Minseok said “they” as if he’s not dead tired himself. “We’ll get this tomorrow, but right now, it’ll be a waste of time if we push this.”

The choreographer sighs resignedly and then, another sigh, this time of understanding. When he addresses the group again, he apologizes to them, he’s just following orders as well, following a schedule. “Then I expect, tomorrow you’ll double your efforts and catch up to what we’re supposed to cover for today.”

They’re left alone in the dance studio. It’s silent. Sehun’s really crying now, while Tao is being comforted by Joonmyeon. Baekhyun turns to the mirror, he looks worn-out, the exhaustion obvious in his eyes and the sag of his shoulders. On the reflection, he looks on as Minseok makes his way towards Sehun, patting his head but not saying anything. Sehun nods though, as if Minseok’s touch are actual words. It’s okay. Minseok does the same for Tao..

It’s a thing. Minseok doesn’t always meddle with someone else’s struggles, just leaves them, allows them to deal with it alone.

It’s not always that Minseok occupies his position as the eldest hyung, but when he does, he does it quietly. It’s all about his presence. The calmness.

They’ve gone through a lot, the group, with members leaving and with critics left and right, cataloguing their every move and waiting for them to fuck things up for themselves. It’s scary. It scared Baekhyun if he’s being honest, and it scared the whole group, thinking maybe, they’ve really reached their peak too early, reached it at 12members, and there’s no other way for them to go now, but down.

It was Minseok who brushed it off. They were in the meeting room, when the official announcement of them losing another member began to blow up, after management instructed them what to do and what not to do, run them through different publicity strategies to attempt damage-control. When the group is left in the room, silent, confused, apprehensive. Minseok told them quietly, out of nowhere, “My loyalty is in music, in performing.”

He didn’t continue immediately, just lets the words float above them. Because it’s actually not out of nowhere, it’s not nonsense, nothing is when it comes to Minseok. Management wisely told them that they’re loyalty should not be to the company but to the fans. It’s a pathetic excuse for a guilty tripping, for management to indirectly say “look if you want to leave the company, you’re not gonna be betraying us but betraying your fans.”

And Baekhyun gets it then, what Minseok meant. This, this was Minseok saying he’s not doing what he’s doing for the fans, not for the fame, but because he loves doing it. Simple as that.

Then Minseok finally continued, “And as long as I’m doing music, as long as I can be on stage, then I win. It doesn’t matter how big the stage is.”

Baekhyun always thought of Minseok as among the artists who are contented with being on the middle of the scale, contented to go with the flow, who is not daring enough to step up, who doesn’t dare to dream big. And how Baekhyun resented it. Because for Baekhyun, if he’s gonna be he’s here, he’ll be here to be one of the best, to leave a mark, to break records, to make history. And he fully believes that if the group believes the same thing, then they can, then they would. But then there are people like Minseok who doesn’t perform to prove a point, but performs because he loves it.

So maybe, Baekhyun just didn’t understand. People put their hearts on different places. If Minseok put his heart on stage, no matter what size it is, who’s to say there’s something wrong with that?

“You missed a sequence.” Baekhyun is brought back to present by Minseok’s voice, Minseok looking back at him through the reflection in the mirror.

“Oh,” Baekhyun says, racking his brain for the dance steps he forgot. His body is absentmindedly going through their choreography, but now that he’s putting his mind on it, the movements won’t come out.

“This,” Minseok says, falling beside him and showing him the moves he missed. Baekhyun stares at him for a moment even after the four steps and when Minseok stares back, Baekhyun realizes he’s expected to copy. So he does. Only not exactly like Minseok’s moves because no one else moves like Minseok.

Minseok steps closer and lifts Baekhyun’s elbows higher. “Don’t make your arms flow. Create a corner,” he instructs, “this isn’t ballet,” he adds, lips curling in the slightest of a grin.

Baekhyun smirks, ready for it, “Don’t be jealous I have the natural prima ballerina grace.”

“You mistook me for Jongin,” Minseok says, falling back a step and urging Baekhyun to repeat the moves. “Better,” he says after Baekhyun repeats the steps.

Behind them, their manager and Joonmyeon are rounding up the others, ushering them out and back to the dorm. Baekhyun catches Joonmyeon’s eyes, silently asks for a couple of minutes.

Baekhyun clears his throat. The studio is empty now, save for the two of them. Despite the wide empty space, Baekhyun feels claustrophobic. “I—uh—“ it’s not often that Baekhyun is lost for words, so when he is, he looks a lot more ridiculous than the average shy guy. Minseok revels in it, Baekhyun knows, because it’s Minseok’s favorite thing to do to Baekhyun – making him shut up.

Minseok raises an eyebrow, it’s challenging, although it’s also triumphant in a way. Like whatever challenge he’s posing, he’s already won. Maybe he has.

“Fuck. Let’s go and have some rest yeah hyung? I’m exhausted,” Baekhyun says, not even remembering what he wanted to say to Minseok in the first place.

Minseok looks like he’s not gonna let Baekhyun off that easily, but then he shrugs, says “okay,” and turns to gather his stuff. And Baekhyun stands there watching him, until he remembers, “thank you hyung,” he mumbles.

Minseok whips around. “Huh?” And he looks honestly confused that Baekhyun chuckles before repeating what he said, this time holding Minseok’s gaze.

And it should be vague enough to earn a question, a “what for?” But Minseok doesn’t question it. “Well, you’re welcome,” he simply says.

Baekhyun would actively admit what he's doing is flirting. There's no harm in that, he's not ashamed of that. And he would even claim that Minseok is flirting back, with his lingering threatening gazes, his half-assed punches, his fingers tapping against Bekhyun's chin, his teasing remarks, his bounced off sexual innuendoes. It seems considerable when listed off like that, but the thing is, it isn't. Minseok might be a little more playful towards him, a little more tolerant of his shits, but those are little strings of moments, most are just minute-long.

So the thing is, Baekhyun’s seeking for Minseok’s attention might be working, but it only leaves him seeking for more.

So when he found out that Chanyeol and Jongin went out with Minseok, he can't help but corner Jongin after they come back, because Jongin is actually a child and he would answer Baekhyun's questions like a good dongsaeng that he is.

"Where have you been?"

Jongin steps back, looks alarmed for a second, then confused. "Out for coffee?"

"You don't drink coffee. You hate coffee."

"I don't now."

Oh so that's what it would take to hang out with Minseok, swallow down that bitter toxin. Like, Baekhyun could do that too.

"Why wasn't I invited?" he asked and he must have looked positively affronted for being left out because Jongin shifted, uncomfortable and apologetic.

"Uhh," Jongin tries.

It's Minseok who answered though. "Because I wouldn't willingly spend time with you if I can help it."

It's by instincts now, how Baekhyun reaches over to punch Minseok on the shoulder and Minseok's used to it by now, catches Baekhyun's wrist and pins it behind his back. Baekhyun groans at the strain on his shoulder, with his free hand he tries to grab at Minseok but Minseok pins that hand too. Baekhyun groans this time from indignation and attempts to throw Minseok off which only results to them tumbling down the couch.

He barely sees Jongin retreating to the kitchen because Minseok is right in front of his face and holding him down. They often wrestle or, really, he often wrestles Minseok while Minseok tries to throw him off. This time though, Minseok’s the one pinning him down and Baekyun’s not bothering to fight him off, against no resistance, Minseok settles calmly over him.

Through their evening breathes, Baekhyun says, "Hyung, invite me next time.”

Minseok scrunches his face, pretends to ponder it. Baekhyun pinches him for it, he tries anyway, since Minseok still has his arms pinned to his sides. When Baekhyun settles back, Minseok lets him go and slaps him gently in the face. "Sure, but you'll be paying," he says before getting up to his feet. He stretches with a groan, his pullover riding up along his shirt. Baekhyun's gaze drops down to it, to the flash of a strip of skin, and muscles.

Baekhyun wants to reach out his hand, and just… touch, know how it would feel like against his fingers, the warm skin and firm muscles. He probably could get away with it too, he could pass it off as a joke, as a Baekhyun thing to do - groping his bandmates. He doesn't though, and when Minseok intercepts his gaze, his expression darkens then softens, as if he senses that fleeting desire and the hesitation that tramples it. I saw that, Minseok seems to say. And it's okay.

Baekhyun doesn't react though, just accepts the hand that pats at his hair when Minseok walks past. It's a little patronizing – like a touch from a hyung to a dongsaeng, but it’s comforting too. And Baekhyun finds that he likes it.

Baekhyun is not capable of staying still. And it seems that Minseok is. They've been on the same page for quite too long and Baekhyun wants to get a move on.

Baekhyun is officially infatuated, and he's come to terms with that but Minseok doesn’t seem to have, maybe he’s not even properly aware of it.

Baekhyun is getting tired of waiting and trying to fall into step with Minseok, into a dance. But maybe this isn't going to be a tango, not a give and take, maybe Baekhyun should just come on strong and smother Minseok, how about that? Trap him against a wall and kiss the shit out of---or maybe Baekhyun should first think this through.

Lu Han picks up on the third ring.

Baekhyun can’t believe he’s actually doing this.

The thing is, if there’s one person he wants to talk to right now, it’s Luhan, but if there’s a person he doesn’t want to talk to, it’s also Luhan.


He endures Luhan’s maniac laughter with a sigh and a mental kick at himself for even considering this is a good idea.

“So… let me get this straight,” Luhan hiccups between bouts of laughter, “all those times you hassle, harass, pester, annoy the shit out of Minseok, it’s because you’re….” Luhan trails off in a mad fit of laughter. “You like him…oh goodness that sounds—“

“Jesus christ, why did I even think of asking for your advice-“

“My advice?” Luhan cuts off, suddenly alert, “is this what this is? I thought you’re just giving me a laugh over here.”

“You’re his best friend hyung, who else am I suppose to go to?”

“Aye aye,” Luhan agrees, “that I am. Doesn’t make your story any less funnier though, haha.”

It takes a lot more of Luhan’s demeaning laughter and a lot of mindless banter for their conversation to finally turn remotely serious.

“Now, come to think of it, Minseok did mention you’ve been weird lately.”

“He talks about me?”

“Now don’t get too excited, that was just it. Minseok said you know what, Baekhyun’s acting weird lately. Said that you were always there every direction he turns and that you won’t stop bugging him about his abs and that you always somehow manage to corner him when he’s alone and make sure he’s…” Luhan pauses and from the other end of the line Baekhyun can almost hear him coming up with a starling realization. “Oh my god,” Luhan mutters afterwards, “Minseok’s so oblivious.”

Baekhyun just sighs, “yeah he kind of is.”

“Or he actually knows but…you know, he’s just… stringing you along, keeping you on your toes, or worse…” Luhan trails off purposely.

“Or worse what?”

Luhan takes a breath, and then, “Maybe he just, really, doesn’t like you?”

Baekhyun lets that sink for a moment, and then, “Whaaaaat!?”

“You know, maybe he can’t be bothered with you so… he, you know, doesn’t.”

“Hyung, that is simultaneously the meanest and stupidest I’ve heard from you, and I’ve heard a lot.”

Luhan’s responding silence is like a vacuum and Baekhyun’s stomach suddenly drops, “fuck,” he hisses. “You really think he doesn’t---shit—oh no—“

His impeding panic gets broken by Luhan’s laughter. Despite being played, Baekhyun actually breathes in relief.

“Come on Baekhyun, that’s Minseok. He likes everyone who likes him, that’s assuming he knows that you like him” Luhan say. “Here’s what, okay, Baekhyun you can’t expect an explosion. This is Minseok we’re talking about. If you’re waiting for you to finally get together starting from that metaphorical small spark and then everything will burn into a heat of forest fire, well, it’s not gonna happen my friend. He’s power is not ice for nothing haha. Anyway, what this is, is a block of ice melting over the countertop. Be patient yeah? One step at a time. Wait for things to fall together, naturally. Yeah, that’s it!” Luhan actually claps from the other end, how he may ever do that while holding his phone.

“But hyung, that’s already what I’m doing though.”

“Then congratulations you’re on the right track.”

“But I’m getting tired of waiting.”

Luhan tsk, “that you can’t do. Again, be patient. Minseok likes patient people, I actually think patience sexually attracts him. Believe me. Just continue what you’re already doing and update me when the ice finally melts.”

Baekhyun doesn’t know what he gave as response to that, because just then he hears footsteps padding to the dark kitchen and when he turns his head, he comes face to face with Minseok himself.

It’s too late, Baekhyun knows the deer-caught-in-headlights look already registered in his face before he gains the sense to school his expression. Minseok throws him a confused, and a little suspicious look while on his way to the fridge.

Baekhyun tells Luhan that he’s hanging up, and Luhan’s string of questions, he cuts off. He stares at his phone, warm an implicating against his hands.

“Who’s that?” Minseok asks. Baekhyun looks up.

“My mom,” he replies automatically, voice embarrassingly high. He clears his throat and Minseok raises a brow, not buying it. “Uhhh…I’m gonna charge my phone,” Baekhyun excuses, reminded by Luhan’s words to keep things natural and running away feels exactly like the natural thing to do right now.

Luhan’s advice kind of sucks.

That’s what Baekhyun thinks when movie night comes and he makes sure to fit himself on Minseok's side on the couch. At this point this is a necessity - the close contact. And anyway, it's Minseok who lifts his arms and tugs Baekhyun closer. That's something new. Minseok doesn't even pretend to push Baekhyun away first before letting him settle down. Baekhyun looks at Minseok's face, already intent on the movie, and sees no sign that Minseok is bothered. Baekhyun smiles to himself before turning to the TV. Zitao sees their snuggle and tries to join in. Minseok is beside the arm of the couch though, which means Zitao has to cuddle with Baekhyun and god, people can't have quality alone time in here. Baekhyun is like, trying to have a moment.

So slowly but surely, he inches away from Zitao and buries himself deeper into Minseok until he's half-lying across his lap. Zitao can't take a hint and follows him though, and Baekhyun just heaves a sigh of resignation.

Baekhyun remembers nothing about the movie and remembers everything about how Minseok smells and how he feels solid and soft at the same time, how cozy, how calming…

He wakes up on Minseok's lap, Minseok shaking him by the shoulders. He feels more than sees the others scrambling up, the movie must be finished by now. Reluctantly, he sits up rubbing his eyes and grumbling. "What a wonderful movie," he jokes, his voice webbed with sleep.

He hears Minseok's soft laugh and watches the older push up to his feet. They're all alone now, the living room dark, when Minseok does it again - he yawns and stretches. And his shirt rides up again, his pajama hangs low, his skin flashes again, and Baekhyun wants again, never stops. This time, Baekhyun doesn't think, just reaches over and runs his fingers on Minseok's bare skin. Underneath his touch, he feels Minseok stiffen then relax. And he's got two hands on him now, on either side of his waist, thumb running circles on the protruding bones of his hips. He doesn't dare look up at Minseok, just leans forward and replaces one thumb with his mouth, Minseok's skin burning his lips. He hears and feels Minseok's infinitesimal intake of breath as he starts to earnestly suck on his skin, using his now free hand to hike his shirt up, fingers firm on Minseok's bare side. His mouth and tongue alternates, Minseok's hands fall on him, gripping his hair. It's encouraging one second, and then Minseok's pulling him away.

Baekhyun's not ready for it, to look at Minseok, to face Minseok. His hands slides back down to Minseok's hips, he holds him delicately and he slowly drops his head on Minseok's stomach. To hide.

Minseok lets him, his hands running on Baekhyun's hair, the back of his neck, his shoulders. And then he frames Baekhyun's face and tilts his head up. Baekhyun goes with little resistance. Minseok's expression is unreadable, not that Baekhyun can get a read on him on any other day but not at this moment most especially.

So nothing prepares him, nothing clues him in, for when Minseok bends down and drops a kiss on Baekhyun’s lips. Quick. But leaves Baekhyun reeling.

Minseok kissed him. Minseok kissed him first. Against all the things Baekhyun had to initiate and just barely penetrates Minseok’s walls, Minseok initiated one thing and Baekhyun’s resolves crumbles to the ground.

He pulls Minseok down against him, then down against the couch and Minseok releases a soft sound of surprise when Baekhyun presses their lips together, forcefully. Kisses him harshly and with all the fire he can manage.

As Minseok moans and kisses him back, Baekhyun thinks, this is it. The ice has melted.

Six months later.

It’s one of their shows, like any other shows. But not quite because when they pass each other on stage, Baekhyun gives Minseok a lingering gaze, a lingering hold on his waist and Minseok makes to bite him. Normally, that will be the end of it, the usual antic between them. But Minseok grabs the hand holding his waist, pulls Baekhyun closer. Baekhyun, in one crazy second, thinks Minseok is going to really, actually bite him but instead Minseok kisses him. In front of some 55thousand audience.

The ensuring screams almost brings the dome down and as Baekhyun makes sense of which way is up, which way is down, Minseok rans away.

You don’t provoke a Byun Baekhyun, however.

So, the night doesn’t end without the audience seeing a more proper kiss.

a/n: Do you know this fic is supposed to be angsty. I don’t know what happened. It’s hard to write angst while employing Baekhyun’s humor.

And yay! Xiubaek!
Tags: genre:au, pairing:xiubaek
  • Post a new comment


    default userpic
    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.